Diary; Something I Didn't Want To Admit #7

Before i start writing this i just want to disclaim that I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL and everything i write on here is from personal experiences!

This is difficult for me to write because it is really personal and i cannot stress enough how amazing my support system has been throughout my pregnancy but unfortunalty i just haven't managed to shake the constant feeling of being 'alone' now being alone doesn't mean that your never around people, you could be surrounded by all your friends and family - what i mean is that horrid sense that you just cant talk to anyone and don't feel as if your connecting anymore to those who you could before.

Pregnancy is a rollercoaster that can hit you in many ways through hormones and body changes and mentally it can really get to you, if your lucky to have a partner or a close friend who is there for you and you don't relate to this then i am very envious!

For people who know me, know that i am a fun laid back kind of girl who enjoys a bit of banter and a good old chat, people who know me really well know that i am a bit weird and at times a bit of a nut and those who know me inside out know that i am also very good at hiding my real self which has little confidence and self esteem which when your pregnant just magnifies and its really.... shit!

Being pregnant is something that you will get a lot of help with if your lucky but at the end of the day it all comes down to you and thats a lot of responsibility for one person to have, effectively your growing the baby, feeding them, nurturing them, basically changing your lifestyle to make sure that they get the best possible start to this world and it comes with a lot of stuff you need to remember and when you have baby brain its not that easy! for example - taking your pregnancy tablets and remembering to pee in a cup before a midwife appointment! we have to do a lot by ourselves and even if our partners are doing the best they can it doesn't change fact.

When i say i feel alone its mainly because i have changed a lot of aspects in my life; training, work, food, drinking, my body.... the list is endless and when you have to think about the fact that everyone else life is going on around you and hasn't changed and you start not feeling included it really sucks! its almost as if your in a bubble which doesn't move and the world around you is fast forwarding in front of your very eyes and thinking of everything you wanted to do suddenly is on the back burner and your now going to be Mum and thats your job!

I don't think this will be something i will ever stop feeling but it is something i want anyone else to know is totally normal.... i could write so much more but i don't think i can put it into words!

Also, i cannot wait to be a Mum... and hormones are a bitch!

Thanks

Kerry xoxo